– Oatmeal is a special case. You can love it or not. I am indifferent to it, this is a very strange breakfast, – says Sviatlana Tsikhanouskaya and smiles.

We are sitting in the same office that we have repeatedly seen in her Telegram account. Behind Sviatlana's back is a large, hand-made white-red-white flag; it is gloomy outside the window, and the sound of rain cuts into the dictaphone recording. We agree that there will be no questions about politics in the conversation.

– Let's talk about behind the scenes of your life and continue the topic of breakfast. What does Sviatlana Tsikhanouskaya cook in the morning?

– "Cooking" is a strong word! Usually this is something banal, a cup of tea and a sandwich – what is in the fridge. People are lazy, it's better to sleep for 15 minutes more than to eat. I am also from this category. Sometimes I don't have time to have breakfast, and already in the office I "catch up" with tea or coffee. I don't like the latter, but I drink it because it invigorates me.

Sviatlana Tsikhanouskaya's morning begins at 6:30. It takes an hour and a half to get ready for the working day, and by 8 am it is time to wake the children up. Karniei, the elder son, gets up on his own, but the 5-year-old daughter Agnia does not like to wake up early. So, kissing, hugs and tickling come in handy.

– Are you my bun? Nope! Are you my cake? Nope! Are you my bead? Nope! Ma-a-ama! This is our game so that the morning does not start with tears. I can handle children easily, so we almost never have arguments. Sometimes, when Agnia doesn't obey, I count: Agnia, one... And she immediately runs to do what I asked.

Sviatlana says that she is pleased with the organized meals at Karniei's school and Agnia's kindergarten. And she admits that this is probably why she allows her daughter to have chocolate cereals with milk for breakfast.

– Your readers will probably say that I am a bad mother if I allow such breakfasts. But I reassure myself that there is healthy food in the kindergarten. Additionally, children take a snack of dried fruits and unsweetened cookies. No chocolate; carrots and vegetables instead. I really like this attitude to nutrition.

I am also glad that my son is getting acquainted with a new format of education. This does not mean that Belarusian teachers are bad. Alas, our system is built in such a way that the teacher doesn't teach, but fills in a bunch of papers, writes reports endlessly and does not find time for children due to workload. There is a program – so stick to it, there is no opportunity for a creative approach to work. I like the approach when school is an opportunity to learn something new, and not a bad mark for not knowing.

It's a little embarrassing that I'm not actively involved in my son's educational process. But maybe it's for the best. In Belarus, I constantly hovered over Karniei, helped him with lessons, but here he himself is responsible for what he does.

– Do children ask about Siarhei?

– The elder knows that dad is in prison because he is fighting the Lukashenka-cockroach. For Agnia, dad was always on a business trip, but he always got her birthday and New Year presents. Once Karniei couldn't take it anymore and said: "Dad is not on a business trip, dad is in prison." "Daddy's in prison? When will he arrive?" – A 5-year-old child does not understand what a prison is. Maybe this is the name of some city. I don't know, maybe her brother has already explained everything. But I think these are unnecessary worries for a child.

While we are talking, Sviatlana is looking in her phone for a photo of the wall with Agnia's art. Every day she paints dad and the whole family together. We are wondering if Sviatlana is thinking of taking her to some art classes.

– I would be happy to do that, but for now I only have time to come and hug her before bedtime, and on Saturday to lie a little longer in bed and cuddle.

– So you are offended by the comments of the propagandists?

– I have already learned to abstract from everything. But is it nice to hear "Look how she dressed up"? I think it would be at least disrespectful to come to a meeting with Merkel in jeans. Therefore, I am glad that I met a stylist. Tatiana helped to collect the wardrobe when there was no money for it. I still don't know who gave the clothes for my first trips and meetings.

We leave Tsikhanouskaya's office and meet the eyes of Anna Krasulina, her press secretary. In any office where the headquarters works, Anna's desk always stands opposite or next to Sviatlana's door. On the table, as on most office desks, there are only the most necessary things: a laptop, papers with notes, white-red-white flag and... a cardboard box. "An old but convenient stand for going online," Anna smiles. After moving to Vilnius, it was Krasulina who took the main blow of information – her number was the first contact for communication with Sviatlana.

– It's one thing when people asked for help. But it happened in different ways: some called with offenses, with obscenities, with drunken delirium. Also, there were numerous attempts to hack my social networks and mail.

– How does it feel to live in constant attack mode?

– Cool! You feel important and needed. In general, it all inspires you more than makes you angry. Though I learned to switch the phone to airplane mode at night. To be honest, logic helps. If you interfere with someone in power, it means that you are doing your job well. I am not fooled by emotions and I see people well, including journalists. I am rarely wrong about people and usually already know what to expect. Sviatlana has also learned to "read" journalists, but they don't even have a clue, they think that they are studying her, but in fact, she is studying them too.

– You have been working with Sviatlana for a year now. What kind of person is she?

– She is strong. Whole-hearted. And purposeful. She is never late; she follows the schedule. Once there was a case, she flared up and left the office: "Oh, right? Then do it yourself, without me." And in an hour we have an interview scheduled. I rush about, I don't know what to do... But exactly an hour later, Sviatlana was there and talked to journalists. She understands that responsibility lies with her, and delves into everything she does in detail.

– How did Sviatlana react to the situation in the CEC?

– Well, I only saw the result after a few days. Sviatlana was shocked and could not speak. In fact, they did the same to her as to Ramanchuk in 2010 – they forced her to record a video. But in ten years Belarusians have changed. And in the CEC in August 2020, there was another person in front of them. Sviatlana fought for what to read and what not to read on camera. And she defended herself. I don't know what happened, why she was forgiven. Most likely, because of the usual dismissive attitude towards women played by the Belarusian authorities. And Tsikhanouskaya not only turned out to be a worthy opponent, but also showed such a level of perseverance and strength of personality that not every man possesses. And we now have such a leader... I'm so proud of her!

You know, we are often asked what we have done for political prisoners from abroad? Sviatlana feels the pain of people with every cell of her body. There are no celebrations, corporate events in the office. If someone celebrates a birthday, he or she hears only one wish: to celebrate all the following birthdays at home, in Belarus. Even the selection of clothes for Sviatlana's trips and performances was at first almost compulsory. But the president should meet expectations and represent her country with dignity.

We found ourselves in Vilnius not by our desire and choice. The psychological and emotional state, in which we function, many experts might call wrong. But we can't work in any other way, we're not here for fun.

We return to the topic of Sviatlana's image the next day during a small photo session. The reason is a photograph from Rome, where Tsikhanouskaya poses in white sneakers. Many users of social networks actively commented on this post, many called the photo "the perfect cover for a music album."

– It is possible that the photo is in fact an excellent cover for a band's album, but not a snapshot of a politician. Not sure why the team decided to post it.

– Do you feel glamorous?

– Sometimes such a touch is present in some images. But in general, there is no such intention. Internally, I don't feel glamorous either. I believe that a woman should look good, whether she is in politics or not. Even a touch of sexuality, which is served with taste and tact within a reasonable framework, will never interfere with the style of either a woman or a man.

– Does this mean that you got already used to wearing heels?

– I'm starting to get used to it. I have always been convinced that me and heels is something supernatural. But you get used to everything.

Sviatlana continues to pose in the office lobby, with security hovering a step away from us. Maria Maroz, who lives with Sviatlana in the same building, says that everyone is already used to them, but at times it is awkward all the same. Especially when you need to go to the store, adds Tsikhanouskaya.

– How do we women go shopping? You need to stop, to examine something, to hold it in your hands and turn around... And here people are with you – you feel a little uncomfortable for having them wait for you too long. Therefore, with shopping, household chores and often even with children, Masha Maroz helps me a lot. We got along very well because of all these events and the move. And I go out if I know for sure what and where I should buy, for example, for children. But even at such moments it sits in my head: I go shopping here, and there people are in prisons. This is not the time for that.

– On your Instagram profile, posts often appear with calls to write to political prisoners. Do you write to someone yourself?

– These posts are our obligatory action; it is important to talk about people. As for my letters, none of those that I wrote by hand to Masha Kalesnikava reached her. The emails and birthday cards seem to do the same. This is done on purpose. People in prisons should think that they have been forgotten, that no one needs them.

– Do you reply to messages on Instagram yourself?

– Yes. First I read the comments and saw a lot of dirt there. You know how it happens: among all the support there is a fly in the ointment, and then I go and turn it around in my head all day. But people should not be ignored, so I read all messages. They write a lot, of course. There are three main groups of messages. Advice – what am I doing wrong, what needs to be done. Thanks and support messages. And the third is asking for help. Totally different. Sometimes it is a request to pay attention to the family of political prisoners. And then I start to find out: who is helping them – "Spring", BYSOL or "Country for Life"? If no one, then I redirect them, give them contacts. Sometimes they write, for example, we are getting married and it will be very pleasant for us if you congratulate us.

– You do that?

– Of course, I record a video. This is 5-10 minutes of time, and such a simple thing brings so much joy to people. "Is it really you?" Then I record a voice message in response "Yes, it's really me, Sviatlana Tsikhanouskaya." It's amazing that it is so important for people to communicate with me. I'm still the same person that I used to be. This is probably why all this is so surprising for me.

– The story of your going live on Instagram with Fyodar "Sumkin" Astapovich became the news of the day. Why, you think?

– I didn't think it would make such a splash! Probably because I have no inner feeling that I am an important person. Purely humanly, out of curiosity, I wanted to connect. I have long been subscribed to Astapovich from my personal account.

– Do you often use it now? Who are you subscribed to besides Astapovich?

– This is a private account, there is almost no time for it. If you're interested, let's see what I have here. English lessons, Dr. Komarovsky, healthy nutrition… Why do I have it here? I don't know! [Laughs].

– Is that why you have jars of vitamins on your table?

– Back in September I received such a gift from the Medical Solidarity Fund, but I keep forgetting about them all the time. I am not very organized in terms of health and do not have time to take care of myself. Therefore, the jars are almost full. If I remember to take it – I'll take it, if no – well, no. You know, when you have 15 minutes for lunch, how do you keep track of what you need to drink before meals, and what after? The main thing is to have time to eat.

On the third day in the office, it becomes clear that this is the most popular and deceptive phrase here. To talk to Franak Vyachorka, the adviser to Tsikhanouskaya, we practically forcibly take him to lunch. Usually food is ordered to the office so as not to waste time. But Vyachorka makes an exception for us.

– Did you bring with you something from Minsk as a keepsake of home? – Alisa Hanchar asks. She joins the conversation.

– When covid broke out in Belarus, I bought a large computer to make it convenient to work. When Ihar Losik was detained, it became clear that I was going to be next. This computer took up half of my suitcase, a part of it was even sticking out. I wrapped it with scotch tape and polystyrene so that it would not break.

In general, in memory of the events in Minsk in June, I picked up a black kitten. More precisely, I bought him in the passage near Kamarouka for symbolic money. Now Sherlock has turned into a huge cat, but he stayed to live in Minsk with my friend.

– Because of the pandemic, many apartments in Vilnius, which were previously rented out for a day, are rented out on a monthly basis. Most of the headquarters employees live in such apartments, since they do not need to sign an annual contract, so that they could leave at any time and return to Belarus. How did you get settled here? – continues Alisa.

– Upon arrival, I rented a small apartment on Airbnb and still live there. But in general, life has changed dramatically. There is very little time for sleep, no personal life and... no life [smiles]. All this resembles an endless election campaign, in which the ending is not visible, and you are in limbo. The first months here were incredible. There was a feeling that everything depends on each decision. Now we are accustomed to the rhythm, but no one can afford to rest. Feelings of guilt immediately appear. For a while, I even had impostor syndrome. But here, false modesty aside, I believe that I got in the right place at the right time. I had contacts from my studies and travels, Twitter, which I developed to 50 thousand followers since the beginning of the protests in Belarus. Therefore, the international direction at the headquarters became an ideal one for me. Although in fact you have to do everything at once.

– We talked to Sviatlana about her speeches that she makes in English. She admitted that she was embarrassed by the "school correctness" of her language. What can you say about this?

– She really tries to speak without mistakes, sometimes she slows down so that everyone understands everything. She listens and remembers a lot, does not try to take the leading role in the conversation. Everything that she hears at a meeting or by chance can become a question, an additional remark or an argument in a conversation in the future.

– What about emotional burnout? How are you doing?

– Some go to a psychologist, but I don't have the time and right to be frustrated. When I get depressed, the same happens with Tsikhanouskaya. This has a strong impact on work.

During our visit to the headquarters there goes a search and detentions in the TUT.BY office. After another interview, Tsikhanouskaya attentively and intently listens to everything that is said to her about the emergency statement on this matter. When asked if she wants to see the text, Sviatlana firmly states: yes, show me. They apologize to us: that's all for today.

The morning begins with a conversation in the elevator.

– Yesterday was a difficult day: two interviews in a row, the situation with our colleagues from TUT.BY, lightning-fast reaction. How do you feel?

– I often feel depressed in the morning. Therefore, I turn on "Mury", "I'm going out" – all our protest songs that I listened to a year ago, and I get energized. Sometimes music gives me the strength to get out of bed. As regrettable as it may sound, fatigue has accumulated.

– Were you advised to call people to street protests again?

– There are many advisers. Questions constantly arise, like, is everything fine in Belarus already, why did they stop protesting? But where to call people? For slaughter? You have to manoeuvre, talk about what is happening. It's hard to listen to stings from propaganda like "At whose expense is Tsikhanouskaya travelling?" Or: "She walks around Rome in high heels when people die in prisons." It's as if I don't understand this and don't wake up thinking about these people. But what will change if I return to Belarus and go to prison?

It hurts us. We live with it and think that others do the same. But this is not the case. If we do not talk about our country, the world will continue to live as if nothing had happened. Therefore, we hold a huge number of meetings, we urge politicians to promote the issue of Belarus.

Take Greece – it's a different world, with its own concerns. For this country to support the decision to impose sanctions against Belarus, it is necessary to hold about 20 meetings with representatives of all political forces in the country.

– Did you really have 20 meetings in Greece?

– Around 10-15. On a trip, my working day usually starts at 8 in the morning, sometimes at 7, ends at 22-23 in the evening. The meeting can last form 10 minutes to an hour and a half. President, prime minister, representatives of parties, politicians, diaspora... It is simply impossible to be unemotional at such moments. How can you be calm when talking about Mikita Zalatarou, knowing his situation? I convey all the pain of the Belarusians to the world and every time I pass all the suffering through myself. And add a purely physical aspect – sometimes it is difficult to find two minutes for the restroom.

– During all these days, we noticed that not only you, but also your team is working hard. Lunch breaks only, no relaxed Facebook page scrolling...

– People continue to work despite burnout. Many of those who are here have relatives or friends in prison; each of them feels pain for the country. We support each other as much as we can. The main thing is that the work is done. I most often work in the office, but when I have 10-15 minutes free, I call someone from the team to just sit and talk.

– A little over a year ago, also in June, you gave your first big interview to our colleague Katsyaryna Andreeva. Since then, you have had over 1000 meetings with journalists. Are you already used to it?

– The first interview was very stressful. But even now it is not easier. One has only to express it differently or formulate a thought vaguely – they will cling to every word. I'm still afraid to go live, I'm afraid to make a mistake and say too much. It's a huge stress.

– Do you re-read your interviews later?

– No, but I get feedback from the team. I'd rather listen and watch videos or podcasts of those who stayed in Belarus to find out how things are in the country. Or I will talk with those who fled the country, left for treatment or rehabilitation. I understand how important it is for people, how important it is for me. I was given the status of a strong woman, so I need to cope.

– Before the New Year, you were sick with covid. Who looked after you, the children? Strong women also sometimes need support.

– It was awful three days! But then I felt better. My mom was there, helping me, bringing soup to bed. And then I recorded the New Year's address with the fever. Well, yes, I did it. How could I not get up and record it?

– By the time our material comes out, it will be a year since Siarhei Tikhanovsky is in prison. What was this year like?

– As a politician, I cannot comment on the case of Siarhei Tikhanovsky separately from other arrests. And as a wife – this is a year without a husband, a year without a father for children. It's hard to describe.

– Can you describe your year?

– Sometimes I sit down before going to bed and realize that, on the one hand, the burden of responsibility lies on me, and on the other – the burden... let's say, of the negativity that pours from all sides... When thousands of people work against us, and you also get criticism from your own people. Sometimes I emotionally propose to take my place, because it is always easier to criticize. I'm learning to be thick-skinned towards angry comments, looking for constructive criticism.

Now the struggle has turned into survival. But this does not mean that everyone is reconciled. Was this shift worth the sacrifice? I don't know. It seems to me that this was a historic moment. When there is no way to turn back, you just need to move on. Someone got tired and gave everything up, but someone continues to fight. Therefore, I have no right to return to normal life, saying that I have done my best.