In the end, everything was fine. I gave him my old phone, wrote some kind of explanatory note and went home. I called my lawyer and he told me that it looked like they were now looking for someone who could be put in jail for those events in August. They're going through the videos, they're summoning people for interrogations. And the fact that I was in a chain, in fact, resisting police officers, interfering with traffic – was enough evidence for a criminal case, if they really wanted to. Basically, my lawyer really scared me, and I realized that I could end up in jail for a long time. That's why I decided on everything in one day. In the evening I went to a bar, sat down with my friends, told a couple of people about my plans and that's it. I bought tickets to Kyiv, packed my things, and went.
The first week in Kyiv I was actively walking non-stop, because I was just getting sick. I needed to be active, otherwise I felt physically bad. A feeling similar to how one describes returning from war. Like in the Remarque's work. I was not so much haunted by memories, but I just was shaken, more on the emotional level, I could not explain this feeling rationally. Just a terrible anxiety and shaking. I try not to watch news programs, because they are very stressful. But, in the end, I watch them anyway. I understand that it just makes me upset and anxious, but I can't help it. I just read the news and again I feel very angry inside, and again I feel anxiety. It is such a destructive emotion, because it only makes me feel worse. I also have problems with sleep, as I did in Belarus, so now in Ukraine. I couldn't sleep at all due to stress in the last couple of weeks, I regularly fall asleep in the morning.
I also feel like I just ran away, but I could have continued to fight no matter what. For example, I could go to work remotely, live in my brother's apartment, which is not registered in my name. To stay there, to continue my activities. I also thought that I could ask some homeless guy to buy a SIM card in his name for a bottle of vodka and use him to register - they would never find me at all. I often replay this scenario in my head.